제목 : 축! 신년 + 영어 Jokes

Auld Lang Syne 2010!

A drunk walks out of a bar with a key in his hand and he is stumbling back and forth.

A cop on the beat sees him and approaches,"Can I help you, Sir?""Yessh! Ssssomebody ssstole my carrr..!!" "Where was your car the last time you saw it?""It wasss on the end of thisshh key!!"The cop sees the man's wiener hanging out of his fly for all the world to see."Sir, are you aware that you are exposing yourself?"Momentarily confused, the drunk looks down at his crotch and blurts out."Holy shit! The fucking woman's gone, too!!

Man comes home, finds his wife with his friend in bed.

He shoots his friend and kills him. Wife says,

"If you behave like this, you will lose ALL your friends.."

What's the difference between stress, tension &panic?Stress is when wife is pregnant, Tension is when girlfriend is pregnant,and Panic is when both are pregnant.

What's the difference between Biology and Sociology? - If the baby looks like his father, it's Biology. - If the baby looks like his father's friend, it's Sociology!

What's the difference between a good secretary and an excellent secretary? - A good secretary says, "Good morning, sir..." - An excellent secretary says, "It's already morning, sir..."

Jack, a smart businessman, talks to his son."I want you to marry a girl of my choice.""I will choose my own bride.""But the girl is Bill Gates's daughter.""Well, in that case..."Next day, Jack approaches Bill Gates."I have a husband for your daughter.""My daughter is too young to marry.""But this young man is a vice-president of the World Bank.""Ah, in that case..."Finally Jack goes to see the president of the World Bank."I have a young man to be recommended as a vice-president.""But I have more vice-presidents than I need.""This young man is Bill Gates's son-in-law.""Ah, in that case..."This is how business is done!!

What Women Want in a Man when they start dating..- Handsome, Charming, Witty, Romantic, Talkative..What Women Want in a Man when he is aged 30..- Financially successful, Nice looking, Less talkative..What Women Want in a Man when he is aged 40..- Wears a shirt that covers his stomach, Doesn't drive off until wife's in the car..What Women Want in a Man when he is aged 50..- Remembers to flush the toilet, Doesn't ask too many questions watching TV.. What Women Want in a Man when he is aged 60..- Remembers where bathroom is, Stands up by himself, Doesn't snore much..What Women Want in a Man when he is aged 70..- Doesn't miss going to toilet, Remembers where he left his teeth..What Women Want in a Man when he is aged 80..- Stops breathing..

HAPPY NEW YEAR! KEEP LAUGHING THROUGHOUT 2011!